she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
