I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
