I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
