Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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