Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
