I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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