His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just googled if crying burns calories
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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