if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
