So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
