I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
