He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
