In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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