The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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