508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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