I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
