You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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