i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
