So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
