insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
