You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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