HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
