On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
