can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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