well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Can I color on your dick again?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
