Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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