there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
