What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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