lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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