I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
