Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
