my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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