why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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