Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
