new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
