I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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