I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
