Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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