Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
