Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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