Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
