I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
