she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
