none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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