He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
