did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What a fucking waste of an outfit
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
