Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
