i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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