this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We had sex on a dog bed..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
