I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
