just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
